Wave of mutilation

Round 6, 2021
Port Adelaide 4.1, 8.3, 11.8, 14.9 (93)
St Kilda 1.4, 2.5, 3.7, 5.9 (39)
Adelaide Oval, Sunday, April 25th at 6.40pm

As the world keeps turning, perhaps unwittingly Melbourne has stumbled upon the biggest marker that we’re closer to normalcy: St Kilda Football Club again is easy pickings for the AFL. 

Try as they might, the Fox Footy crew’s insistent wishes and prayers for the tide to turn in this counter came to naught. You know when Dermott Brereton is underlining any whiff of effort or focus from your team that you’re in dire straits. 

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Round 6 B&F votes

2 – Hunter Clark
2 – Dougal Howard
2 – Seb Ross
2 – Rohan Marshall
1 – Jack Steele
1 – Callum Wilkie

Progressive totals

12 – Jack Steele
8 – Dougal Howard
8 – Tim Membrey
5 – Hunter Clark
4 – Seb Ross
3 – Nick Coffield
3 – Jade Gresham
2 – Brad Crouch
2 – Jack Higgins
2 – Max King
2 – Rowan Marshall
2 – Jack Sinclair
1 – Jack Billings
1 – Jack Bytel
1 – Tom Highmore
1 – Brad Hill
1 – Jack Lonie
1 – Daniel Mackenzie
1 – Callum Wilkie

Round 5 B&F votes

3 – Hunter Clark
3 – Nick Coffield
2 – Jack Steele
2 – Jack Sinclair

Progressive totals

11 – Jack Steele
8 – Tim Membrey
6 – Dougal Howard
3 – Jade Gresham
3 – Hunter Clark
2 – Jack Sinclair
2 – Seb Ross
2 – Max King
2 – Jack Higgins
2 – Nick Coffield
2 – Brad Crouch
1 – Jack Billings
1 – Jack Bytel
1 – Tom Highmore
1 – Brad Hill
1 – Jack Lonie
1 – Daniel Mackenzie

Suffocating the spark

Round 5, 2021
St Kilda 3.4, 4.5, 6.6, 7.6 (48)
Richmond
3.3, 8.6, 15.12, 20.14 (134)
Crowd: 32,056 at Marvel Stadium, Thursday, April 15th at 7.30pm


It’s my girlfriend’s birthday this weekend. She’s having people over at my place on Saturday, and then we’re doing a whole bunch of stuff on the Sunday, which is her actual birthday. A lack of sleep discipline over the past couple of weeks, sprinkled with some pocked general life anxieties, had driven me to the state of “very rundown”; that feeling that you’re a mediocre sleep away from a full-blown cold. I needed the earliest night possible. I couldn’t be sick for this. Something had to give.

I sent out the warning to our Messenger group with Matt and Dad and Richie and Evan that I was probably going to be a late withdrawal. I was about to miss my first St Kilda game in Melbourne since the season opener of 2015.

In a last-ditch effort I turbocharged my tuna salad with chilli and garlic and jalapenos and stuffed some Nurofen into my face, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Defeated, I put on the Fox Footy pre-match and lodged the paperwork at 6.30pm.

But something started writhing around in me. No. This can’t be. A Thursday (???) night home game against the reigning premiers, coming off a win that we’d hope to look back on as a turning point for this era. What if something incredible happened?

Thursday night TV is made for neutrals. It’s made for MAJOR LEAGUE SPORTS fetishists and the executives and the journos who feel they’re owed the PRIME TIME experience by their association with the game; even just the ability to say “prime time”. The concept has no understanding, let alone care, for the rhythm of the week and the weekend that footy offers us, not the rhythm of the season that frames the year.

Television coverage be damned, the Fox Footy theme music be damned, the bass-heavy Channel 7 sponsor announcements (are they still narrated by Craig Willis?) be damned, my twitching eye be damned. It didn’t feel right. I had to be there. Sure, we got used to watching it all on TV last year, but this was different. Our tickets were for the second row on level two. I put my better elastic cuff chinos on. I changed my jumper. I grabbed my Maddie’s Match scarf. How did this feel? It felt like yes, I can do this. I watched via the Tramtracker app as the next Route 58 tram into the city was held up. That’s ok, I’ll only miss the first few minutes. Something had happened up on Melville Road and the tram was crawling. That’s ok, this headache isn’t too bad. Time to dump some more Nurofen into the system. Tram’s really crawling here. That’s ok, I’ll only miss the first 10 or 15 minutes. That’s ok, the pains in my legs were from my run yesterday. I’m about to fall asleep but the adrenaline and atmosphere will keep me going.

Once the tram did turn up I got the SEN app going and listened to Dwayne and Huddo and Dal Santo – Skilful call the Tigers out to the first couple of goals. It already sounded ominous. I got off the tram and hurriedly stomped down Bourke Street. Past the Gresham Street sign. Higgins opened our account, and the game seemed to have turned a little. Crossed King Street. I nervously calmed myself down; after all that, wasn’t going to be facing a five goals to zip opening once I got to my seat.

***

I left at three-quarter time.

I hate leaving games early. I very, very, very rarely do. The caveat here is that I had an external reason to, otherwise, yes I would have stayed for that last quarter of added humiliation. There was a solemn duty in staying to the end of the Essendon game; that it needed to be seen and experienced and understood. This wasn’t quite the CBF Showcase that Round 3 was, although it was uglier in some ways. This left St Kilda all on its own, as it has historically been – beaten up a supposed bottom-four team, completely dismantled (and then beaten up) by a top four team on a night that showed it up for being completely lost for intentions, never mind answers. Losses of 75 points and 86 points in the space of 12 days.

Footy moves fast. By the time I’d made it to the ground Rioli had made it three goals to one, but I got inside to see Paul Hunter’s goal and Max King’s set shot. His high mark soon after drew a roar that reminded us of a what playing for something at the Concrete Disney Store was like. The miss was forgivable, but Lonie’s skewed shot on the eve of quarter-time left a bitter feeling. We could have been up five goals to three. There was a vitality to the members’ wing; the relatively full (certainly by COVID standards) stadium had the competitive air of a game between two teams who are worth something to this season. Because for five days that’s what we were.

Max had chances enough to replicate last week’s three early goals that were a huge reason we were in touch in that game at all. The crowd was back on his side as he plucked a wildly casual one-handed mark early in the second, but the anticipation of the crowd was a short-circuited again by his miss. The Tigers were beginning to hunt together and those opportunities couldn’t keep being burned. While the stats at half-time last week suggested a more competitive than the scoreboard reflected, cracks were becoming fissures and they were about to become canyons.

There are all sorts of directions to point fingers at, but there are some moments that really stick in the thrashing. Brad Hill’s footsteps effort of dropping an easy chest mark was rightfully and immediately punished with a no-fuss goal from Marlion Pickett on the 50-metre arc. It became the singularity for what was about to transpire. Never mind that Higgins kicked his second soon after; we’d go nearly 36 minutes without scoring from that point, and in less than two-and-a-half quarters the Tigers would kick 15.11 to 3.1.

The yellow and blue opponent of Saturday was now a nastier and uncompromising yellow and black, and it wasn’t going to let anything past. The Saints crowd noticeably picked up when Butler and Lonie kicked quick goals in the middle of the third quarter to bring the margin back to that magic (???) 33 points – the inflexion point of the previous week – but Richmond immediately responded to add back those two goals through some brutal midfield work, and then some. By the final change the margin was an even 60 points.

This was clinical. It wasn’t vicious or messy. Saints players weren’t getting slammed into the turf or smacked around. The Richmond machine almost glides; it is always in contraction and expansion around the ball and across all parts of the ground. Constantly in motion. It is something to behold. It’s not soulless, however. Add to that the individual efforts: Dusty brushing off Lonie at will, and his piercing running goal in the third quarter, and the skills awareness required from Castagna, Edwards and Graham to make the most of the work that went into creating constant opportunities from in front of goal.

Richmond don’t usually destroy teams like this. In the way that West Coast were our unwitting victims after the club spent the whole week getting themselves up to make a statement, it was our turn to be in the way of Richmond making theirs. We looked clueless, sure. We also looked completely bewildered. When the ball was in motion, without the same team cohesion – at clearance or across the ground – any split-second thought of what to do with the ball was interrupted by the abrupt disappearance of time and space.

Even when the game was stationary and the ball in our hands did Richmond’s set-up expose a dark lack of answers, and perhaps a few other things.

Dunstan was thrown back into the team at arguably its most vulnerable moment (although we didn’t know it at the time). He played with the rust of someone who hadn’t made a senior appearance for nearly 13 months, poking it out on the full for no real reason, and on the other wing kicking to outnumbered teammates that had the ball coming back the other way. Hunter was the other inclusion and also struggled. He started OK but the undersized Nankervis spent most of the night doing as he please in the ruck and at contests around the ground. Even when he had a clear opportunity he couldn’t meet the moment, deciding to kick shallow into attack to a Richmond defender in the second quarter, ignoring a screaming and jumper Seb Ross by himself on the other side of the centre square.

Of course, the two late changes weren’t the reason for the margin, but if we’re relying on Rowan Marshall (and Paddy Ryder, and Zak Jones) then we have a lot of problems. Billings was blew a forward 50 entry from his own moment with the footy, spearing to Nathan Broad at a time when the game was still live (if you remember that fleeting sensation). This went all the way up to our top line. How many times in the third quarter did we look to come off half back and vaguely kick it to a contest? What were we expecting was going to happen? The game became embarrassingly predictable. Richmond’s midfield willed their way to a stretch of 21-1 clearances over a period spanning the second and third quarters.

***

There would have been a lot of St Kilda supporters that came into Thursday night believing there was some real substance to what transpired at the same ground five days earlier; just 72 hours earlier we remained heroes in the Monday wash-up.

The anticipation becomes all-consuming. Could the playing group replicate that after a whole week of tough talk about accountability and responsibility? Maybe we had Richmond at the right time. They’d just played a genuine finals-type game and had to travel back to Melbourne. The Saints players now had the hard evidence of what they needed to do, and that they could do it. They could face down a decent challenge even within the game. But Richmond had lost a couple in a row, surely they wouldn’t lose another? Perhaps their dynasty was over. All of those thoughts and permutations become dust over the course of two hours.

Made the pearl

Round 4, 2021
St Kilda 4.2, 5.5, 10.11, 15.12 (102)
West Coast Eagles 6.2, 10.3, 13.3, 13.4 (82)
Crowd: Some very loud humans at Marvel Stadium, Saturday, April 10th at 4.35pm


There aren’t many bleaker places than the Concrete Disney Store when St Kilda’s season is falling apart. If the stunned silence from the small home crowd after Oscar Allen kicked West Coast’s third opening goal didn’t say it, then maybe it was the frustrated silence peppered with the usual angry cold Saturday expletives as Jack Petrucelle bulleted through his fourth goal. At that point, we were a wayward centring kick or Nic Nat-to-Kelly combination from a stoppage away. Or Liam Ryan’s shot at goal soon afterwards directed a few metres to the right.

Wayne Carey said we were both cooked and done. Roo teed off on the couch on On the Couch. Gerard almost wistfully opined about a 2-4 + ??? = 7-6 scenario for the Saints, with all of the sympathy he could muster. For a few lonely moments in the Concrete Disney Store, we’d have to be jagging that win to go 2-4 from one of the teams who’d just played a genuine finals-intensity game the night before. At best we’d have to load up for a second-half of the season assault; the type we’d seen in in 1997, 2005, ‘06, ‘07, ‘08, ‘10, ‘11 and ‘16, with all sorts of varying degrees of success and heartbreak.

***

It was about the 21-minute mark of the third quarter that Matt pulled out the uselessly optimistic, “We just need to kick two goals from here and we can be in touch at three-quarter time”. Maybe it was several beers talking. Yes, all the numbers aside from the scoreboard said we were in it, but there was no real clear reason why anything might change at that point. The Eagles players spread across the ground defensively at a pace our wayward kicking and predictable movement couldn’t contend with, and we simply didn’t have the numbers around the contest to get the ball to advantage and force things forward on our terms. They always had the extra gear. We’d worked incredibly hard over the first six and a half minutes of that third term before the ball fell into Jack Billings’ lap in front of goal. The quick reply from the Eagles was disheartening because it was so expected. Max King slotted his fourth soon after, smashing the Paddy McCartin Three-Goal-Maximum for a young St Kilda tall forward ceiling, but Kennedy and Petruccelle added majors each within a few minutes (and then Liam Ryan kicked the ball on the full).

“Momentum is a funny thing”, so the idiom goes. There isn’t really another game in the world that can express it so intoxicatingly. We also saw an excellent example of the journey a single game can take us on when played at its proper length. These were particularly long quarters too; the nearly 35 minutes of the third quarter allowed for one of the more teasing runs from a Saints team in recent years. Dan Butler reappeared in earnest after nearly six months to break a six-minute deadlock, finishing off some fast hands before hitting the post straight out of the middle seconds later. After D-Mac’s hunting tackle and goal he snapped a shot wide again from his wrong side, and then kicked another goal after a reaching mark next the behind post. Lonie missed a snap that he should have kicked while burning a couple of guys, and then Max King missed a set shot, and then almost blew that tacky roof off once and for all with a winding dash through three opponents and a running, curling snap that didn’t curl enough.

There was no real significant moment, or play, or factor that clearly turned the game on its own. The momentum probably felt like it had turned when D-Mac caught McGovern in front of goal holding the ball. It was emblematic of the pressure the Eagles were suddenly under, but also of a St Kilda team shaking off the revised expectations and labels that had been thrown at them during the week. D-Mac played his best game in a career that has somehow meandered into its seventh year. Not only did he get an equal career-best 21 disposals, they were his most telling. A deep breath in the goal mouth suggested he knew exactly what the very loud murmuring throughout the crowd as he was lining up meant (you can hear it on the broadcast). No one was backing him, but he was the one with the moment in his hands.

All of the things we saw on TV and the promises over the off-season were here, right in front of us, in real life. Max King kicked 5.2 from strong marks and crumbing his own contest, and had an immediate hand in a few more. His three goals in the first quarter breathed life into the game before it was snuffed out entirely. The midfield was different unit; Jack Steele bullocked his way to 33 touches and a vital late goal, and Crouch had 12 tackles and was helped around the ball by an aggressive Zak Jones. Hill breezed up and down the ground – yes, in a good way – in the final quarter gliding across the turf while we held the ball, constantly providing a new option, making his opponents work, changing the space around him and whoever had the ball. The returning Marshall was able to limp his way to an effective performance, combining with Carlisle to nullify Nic Nat and help wrestle the midfield battle our way (and also joining Robert Harvey in St Kilda’s Completely Snapped Plantar Fascia Tissue club, although not by choice). Higgins brought snags, pressure and smothers, whether it was diving across a boot or having the ball kicked into his face. Billings collected his 25-plus possessions across the ground and appeared when it mattered most close to goal. Butler kicked 3.2 in a performance that not just kept us in it but helped turn the game when anything short of that would have likely meant an impossible road to salvage 2021.

On top of all of that, there were pleasant surprises. Carlisle’s presence in the ruck and around stoppages overall. Jack Bytel put on seven tackles and gathered 19 touches of fast hands, neat use and composure with a maturity that belied his baby face (never mind him staying out there after a head clash that had him lying down in front of the members late in the game). D-Mac played the best game of his career. His first half was busy and his second was considered, involved in several chains of St Kilda’s last eight goals. A quick turn and duck to avoid an oncoming tackle and a tidy handball that helped set up the Butler goal that started the streak before his own tackle and goal; and in the final term a side-step through the middle to put the ball to runners out wide instead of blazing away as the team had done ineffectually so often, a low pick-up from a marking contest and quick handball over the shoulder to help set up Steele, and the intercept and collect through the middle from the resulting centre bounce after Nic Nat won the hit-out, which ultimately ended with Higgins’ sealer – with the celebration of someone who grew up as a Saints fan – and completed a run of 8.6 to 0.1 in the final 45 minutes.

***

This team – 2021’s version of it, at least – appeared to be relegated to the realm of Gallant Losses At Best during the week. A decent-case (and perhaps likely) scenario for Saturday was a dogged effort, with some occasional flourishes that bring a raucous echo throughout the Concrete Disney Store, before the West Coast US College Jocks kicked away. Despite having the momentum and the loudest small home crowd you could hear, three quarter-time felt a little bittersweet. There was a turnaround, but surely it couldn’t keep going. All those wasted opportunities, we were still 10 points behind.

The result was never a fait accompli. We still had to keep doing the hard stuff around the ball and that good work still needed to be finished off. For all of the wasted opportunities and the fast West Coast replies, the pressure stayed up (with just a hint of swagger and mischief), ball use remained wise, and accuracy was back. Whereas Coffield and Carlisle had blundered into each other on the eve of half-time, it was now the Eagles making mistakes. Darling dropped the ball in the goal square, Ryan was forced into running too far in defence, Nic Nat and Jones collided into each other as the Eagles looked set to stream through the middle on the rebound. Higgins got in the face of Nelson after he was caught with the ball from a short kick. The previous week’s tackle count of 32 more than double to 69, and whatever metrics that go into Fox Footy’s vague pressure gauge thing were off the charts. Importantly, the 3.5 kicked in third quarter run became 5.1 in the last. The came from set shots, a slick Billings gather and snap, in a goalmouth rush, on the run.

***

“And the last bit – I’ve definitely got it, I know a lot of you blokes have it – it’s ‘fuck you’. So fuck them.”
– Adam Simpson, pre-Round 17, 2020, Making Their Mark

Who else but Essendon to leave us in an early-season crisis, triggering all sorts of existential crises? Who else but the bunch of US college jocks from the MAJOR LEAGUE SPORTS team, getting it all from the umpires on the way, to give us the answers? Two Saturday twilight slots at the Concrete Disney Store; 32 degrees one week, 17 degrees the next. Anything you like. This was going to be textbook St Kilda.

Many of us who watched the Amazon documentary would have taken note of Adam Simpson giving St Kilda the “fuck them” before they pulled out an excellent late-season win, undermanned and faltering late, to seal a finals spot. It’s an attitude the Saints have lacked over the 148-year journey. The record books reflect that. Saturday wasn’t really revenge for last year’s loss (we’d be here for at least another 148 years if we tried that route), or for the retrospective knowledge that Adam Simpson said “fuck them” referring to the Saints. This was simple a time to take the evening for ourselves; whoever might be in the way, so be it. Even at 33 points down in time-on of the third quarter, it just had to happen. It’s the simple pleasures, mostly. You want to be at a packed Platform 28 with Saints fans singing the song over and over again. What’s better than being at the footy on a Saturday watching the Saints have a crack? (Well, maybe if the roof was open. And if Marvel stopped playing music after goals, and if the club didn’t curiously sneak in the shitty cover version of the song after the game.)

There are new guys, there are inexperienced guys, there are young guys, there’s a new captain in this team. For the first time in a very long time, any whistle when the ball was in defence didn’t inevitably going to mean a shot at goal for the opposition. Steele plays like and has the presence of a captain. Jones bodylines the ball. The excitement of King and Butler near goal. This was an evening of supporters getting attached to this team, right here, in the same space we are in.

Red and black carpet

Round 3, 2021
Essendon 6.4, 12.6, 16.10, 22.11 (143) 
St Kilda 3.3, 4.5, 6.9, 9.14 (68)
Marvel Stadium, Saturday, April 3rd at 4.35pm


Surely they have had a rev up. Surely they’re going to snap out of it. Nope. No. That feeling of waiting for the light to switch on; for the players to wipe the sleep out of their eyes kept lingering. But the red and black carpet just kept being rolled out. 

Almost like a carbon copy of the Melbourne game, the Bombers were on the board in a major way within a minute. That was just a taste. It felt like a full several minutes before a disposal was registered for the Saints. The centre clearances were like a drive-through service for nimble Essendon midfielders – except for when McKernan was giving away free kicks for them. It was a bruise-free as it gets. The midfield looked completely flat footed.

A couple of Billings majors in the first term – one of the few who seemed to come ready to play – and the quarter time margin of 19 points felt extremely generous. However, another six goals from the Dons (this time with only one in reply) confirmed Saints’ fans’ worst nightmares. Some of the faithful exited the arena at half time.

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Round 3 – B&F Voting

The [YET TO BE PROPERLY TITLED] 2021 B&F voting is here for round 3. See below for the votes for the first two rounds as well.

***And yes, Round 3’s match review will be up later today***

Round 3 votes (10 to use in total)

6 – Jack Steele
3 – Tim Membrey
1 – Jack Higgins

Round 2 votes

5 – Dougal Howard
3 – Jade Gresham
1 – Seb Ross
1 – Jack Steele

Round 1 votes

5 – Tim Membrey
1 – Jack Higgins
1 – Jack Lonie
1 – Dougal Howard
1 – Tom Highmore


Progressive Totals after Round 3

8 – Tim Membrey
7 – Jack Steele
6 – Dougal Howard
3 – Jade Gresham
2 – Jack Higgins
1 – Seb Ross
1 – Jack Lonie
1 – Tom Highmore